You Can Only Give from What You Have

I believe we cannot help others if we haven't first taken good care of ourselves, and do so consistently.  Of course we are all in process and taking care of ourselves will take a lifetime. The question then becomes,  "when are we in a good enough place to take care of others?"  As an Enneagram 2, my sincere inner motivation is to always be on the look-out for people/situations to help, (even when it's not asked for).  I can choose to help either out of my healthy/sunny side or out of my darker/shadow self.  This is where self-awareness is critical.

Face it, our society here in the States is a very entitled people, and so we are on the look out for "what's in it for me." This doesn't work well at all in marriage and relationships, and this is one of the main reasons they fail!!!  Jesus call to us to give up our lives, "If you want to gain life, you'll have to lose it." is the idea.  I truly believe the number one reason couples struggle is selfishness and the number one cure is selflessness.  We are selfish creatures. 

There is a wonderful organization called I am Second.  God first, others second. I wish I could amend it to be honest, I would call it "I am Third".  God first, myself second and then others third.  Now that might sound selfish but hear me out and read from this passage in Matthew 22.

34 But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Do you see it?  "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."  How well we can love our neighbor is partly reflected in how well we love ourselves.  Of course we can overdo it on the self part, but honestly if there is nothing in our hearts to love others how can we love others well?  We love best because we are doing so out of a full heart, a healthy heart.  One piece of advice I give frequently is "self-care/soul care is not selfish because we cannot give what we do not have".  Consistent physical exercise,  regularly stimulating our minds, the daily feeding of our heart/soul with God's word, Godly music. life-giving reading materials, hanging out with people who are life giving all do this.  But in our demanding and fast-paced lives we rarely make time for this and then we wonder how we snapped at those we love, or get mad in traffic, or the expectations we hold people to and when they don't come through we lose it.  I believe it's because we have not fed ourselves.  

Take time to feed yourself literally everyday so that you can be a deposit/investor in those lives around you that matter the most.  Especially your spouse.